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Thursday, 28 May 2015

Upsetting People For Your Happiness

Hi my loves! Today I wanted to talk about something I have been going through in my personal life. 

Throughout my childhood and the majority of my teenage years, I was always the girl that didn't want to upset my parents or family, and so avoided a lot of social experiences to keep them happy. It was just the way I was. I avoided all confrontation, and chose to stay at home alone, rather than go out with friends, as the judgment and disappointed would be too much for me to handle.


Fast forward to my early 20's, and I suddenly had an Oprah 'ah ha' moment!     

                                     

I was holding myself back for their own happiness, but was selling myself extremely short. I was hindering my own personal happiness, and it was beginning to show. I had very few friends, no places to go, things to do, I was trapped, I had built myself a cage, and lost the key. And because of this, my mental health was not much to be desired. I suffered from frequent episodes of depression and anxiety, and my weight was more up and down than a yo-yo. All because I was trying to make others happy.

My main issue is that I thrive off others happiness, because to see others happy makes me so happy, and makes me feel complete. The problem is that I want others to be happy so much, that I absolutely forget that my happiness is not being addressed.

So this year I decided to make a change. I can't say it was easy, but I can assure you, I am on the path to doing what I want. We all deserve to be happy, pursuing your own happiness is not selfish, it is self caring. It is putting your own needs first, which should not be seen as depriving others, because to give others love, we need to make sure we are healthy enough within ourselves to give it. If we give give give and do not give to ourselves, this will leave you running on empty. And when a  car is running on empty, it will burn itself out and break down. Do you want to do that that to yourself? I don't think so. 

Your probably asking, 'Okay Keeley, but how do I pursue this and gain my happiness'? The answer is simple....


JUST DO IT!


Just do it?! Yep! If you want to go away to have a break from the world, book the holiday. Don't go to book it and think, 'oh what would my dad think, what will my boss think, what will my friends think'?! This is what is holding you back. And it will kill you. Obviously if you have a secure job and want to keep it, be clever with your planning. Give them a heads up you are taking time off, I don't want to be responsible for you loosing your job! But what I am trying to say is, hesitating to take the first step is holding you back. Just as a runner cannot hesitate before the race starts and the trigger is pulled, because they will be left behind. 

I'm not saying that I have solved the riddle and my life is just perfect, it is far from it. But from Implementing this mentality I have slowly begun to do things that make me truly happy for the first time in my life. 

I have flown to Austin Texas twice, my Dad hates me for it, but I have had the best experience of my life flying by myself and experiencing a whole to country! And also seeing my girlfriend! I have left the job that was draining me of my sanity. That was extremely hard, because it goes against all of my families ideologies on work and life. They see me as a quitter because I decided to leave University before I finished the course, and now I've left my job. But I do these things because I know that my journey is at an end, and I need to move on. I trust my instincts, and my intuition is what keeps me pushing forward through my decisions. 

That little voice you have in your head telling you to follow you heart, that is telling you to JUST DO IT, is working for you, not against you! But we then let other peoples mentality enter our mind, and this then holds us back further and further until we are slowly walking away from our true desires in life.

Stop holding yourself back for other peoples happiness, it will slowly but surely drain your soul. Don't kill yourself for others, it will be the worst thing you could ever do to yourself. 


I love each and every one of you, thank you for reading!



Question: What is your one true desire in life? What do you dream of doing? Let me know in the comments below!


xox








Tuesday, 7 April 2015

That 90s Vibe

Hi loves! This past week or so I have been on SUCH a 90s vibe, like, seriously. From watching Richie Rich on repeat, to listening to Prince until my ears bleed. And not to mention using my brown eyeliner as a lip liner until its run out. I am doing the most.

But in this post I wanted to give you a quick look into the past few days in outfits!



First the face - I have been using far too much nude/peach lip liner!

Lip liner - Loreal Magique liner in nude

Hoops from H&M

Then sometimes, on a good day, I rock the dark lip. Channelling my inner Janet. Yassss! Poetic Justice on that ass!


Lip liner - BarryM red pencil liner, then Blue MUA lip liner in blue


 
                     

Now the clothes!! Ahh now you know I love fashion, so I have been rocking too much plaid, too much denim, too much of all the things that make the 90s the era that no one can let go!


Snapback - Only Apparel
Lipliner - Sleek liner in Pumpkin

Jacket - Thrifted

Jacket - Newdress
Shirt - Topshop
Jeans - New look
Durag - Black hair shop


Jacket - A gift
Shirt - Thrifted
Skirt - Thrifted

Earrings - H&M
Jacket - Topshop

Don't judge me! I was just feeling all nostalgic these past few days!! From the denim on denim, to the clashey clothes. Can you blame me?! Which was your fav look, let me know!! We can be all obsessed together lmao!! 

Okay okay I know, I am doing the most, but i thought I'd finish it off with a gif marathon with clips that will make you go, "Omg I remember that!!" Enjoy lovlies!!


                  
                   
                   

Im off to feel sorry for myself an wallow in my plaid and reruns of Fresh prince of bel Air, byeeee!

                    

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

#Dearme

Women's History Month is an annually declared month that highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. It is celebrated during March in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia, corresponding with International Women's Day on March 8.

On youtube today I logged in, and saw numerous videos titled #Dearme. In celebration of International Women's Day, YouTube’s global #DearMe initiative to inspire and empower young girls everywhere. We all know that growing up is tough. 

But if you could go back in time, what wisdom would you share with your teenage self? 

I'm going to talk about what I would tell to the younger Keeley. I guess I will be showing you a letter I would write to myself if I could talk to the younger me. I hope this helps anyone that needs it.



Dear Keeley

I know you feel lonely. It isn't easy feeling so alone in a room full of people, trust me I know. But shutting yourself off from the world is not going to help anything. Your mum is gone, and unfortunately that is something that no one can change. I know that all you feel is darkness right now, but can I tell you something? Six years from now you will look back, and know that through your mum passing away it has moulded you into the most strong, powerful, and determined woman you can be.

I know that doesn't make much sense, but hurting yourself will not stop the pain. I know people around you make you feel like you are powerless due to your size and personality, but your height is what will make you feel beautiful in the future I promise. You will find someone who will love your stretch marks, your short legs, and your social anxiety. She will love you so unconditionally, that you will never feel inadequate again.

Dealing with bullies can be hard, but remember what your mum used to say? If someone comes for you, just say, "I might be small, but you'll always be ugly"! And you know she was always right!

You are always searching for peace of mind right now, but the places you are searching for it are doing more harm than good to you emotionally. So please stop. You won't find happiness trying to make others happy.  

You are always crippled by the fear that people will abandon you, and that they think negative thoughts about you behind your back. You hate to upset people, and I know that you feel that if you upset them, they will abandon you. But please remember that sometimes we can't please everyone! We are not here to please others before ourselves. You have been through far too much emotional pain to worry about others. It is time you thought about you!

Also, you may not think it, but your mum would be so proud of you. The amount of pain you have gone though is unthinkable, but to come through it more powerful is something to be forever proud of. You may not be able to see her, but she is there with you, every second. She lights your way when all you see is darkness. 

I'm sorry if my letter is all over the place, but it is just that I have so much to tell you! You will create a community from your pain and insecurities. You will help men and women who have been through the same situations, and you will touch lives where you never thought possible.

Just remember that it gets better. You are here to change the world, and trust me you will. Stop being so focused on the how, and just do. The how is none of your concern.

I love you,

From,

Keeley :)



#Dearme

What would you say to your younger self if you could?


Sunday, 8 February 2015

But in the end, I only got 3 likes..?

You know the deal, if your picture only gets 3 likes on Instagram, you begin to question your whole existence. But why?



I don't know about you, but lately it feels like there has been an incredible surge in the amount of people becoming famous just from posting Instagram pictures. Asses on sinks, selfies at the gym, and three layers of makeup and a filter are the gateway to 'success'. But you know what, I find myself becoming captivated by it. The jealousy sets in and I think to myself, "If I post a picture like that, will I be invited to cavort with the pop stars and icons too"? 

I was taking the bus to work one day, and I remember seeing three or four teenagers on their way to school. But they were all dressed up in their most Tumblr worthy jackets and jumpers. And I thought to myself, if I had to be a teenage in todays society, I would go insane. My parents would be broke for a start. I would be so stressed about how many Instagram followers I had, how many likes, how many Facebook friends, retweets and views I had gotten. Not to mention how you have to have the latest of everything. iPhone, iPad, Jordans, timberlands, cameras...the list is endless. And then the expectations of school and home to attend to, life would be a constant battle to be recognised, loved, lusted over, and looked up to. 

I hate to throw out the line, "Back in my day.." but seriously, back in my day, I cannot remember one time when I was like, "OMG, my Myspace has only had 7 views this week, what am I going to do"?!?! Now I am sure there were people who thought like that, don't get me wrong, but I feel like that was the select few who where older and new there way around the newly developed social media gateway.

It has become the norm to live your life through your camera, and to enjoy the moment after it has ended. It has to been seen by everyone else, have them feel jealous, and get over 10/15 likes, and then that means the moment was worth it. Not the fact that it was just a great night, and you can take away the real feelings it gave you. You have to picture it, choose the perfect caption to make it sound more than what it was, and have people comment. Then that makes it worth it. God forbid if it got..no likes! *dies social media suicide*

I love social media, don't get me wrong. As with any communication medium, it comes with its ups and downs, pros and cons. But just be aware that, you don't HAVE to showcase your life in a pretty filter and perfect caption. It just isn't that serious. 
I am tired of feeling like I have to post a pretty picture of the sky, instead of actually LOOKING at the sky itself. I have begun to feel so disconnected for the earth, and that really scares me. To forget how blue the sky is, because I have used so many different filters, I have lost the true image of how blue the sky actually is. 
This post really has no purpose, no message to preach, it is just to make us aware that there has been a massive change in our world lately, and that piece by piece are lives are being ruled and judged through the tiny screens in our pockets. 
When was the last time you actually turned off your phone. Completely. 

I myself couldn't even tell you, and that's kind of sad.



Saturday, 22 November 2014

There's a silence I have inhabited for years...


Do you find it hard to speak your mind? I know I do...

There's the silence I have inhabited for years, the edgy, uncomfortable silence that comes from unsaid words, unshed thoughts. When talk feels risky, then silence is the coward's choice. Saying what I felt was, most times, simply not an option I considered; it was a kind of emotional bungee jumping that terrified me. 

Throughout my childhood expression of emotions was an alien territory, a hug was an awkward occurrence.

It all started when I was younger, my ideas and thoughts being suppressed because I was the youngest, the smallest, the quietest.

That sort of subconscious suppression does not dim or die, you sort of silently carry it with you throughout life. Even now, I find it hard to get the words out to the people that care about me. Like me and my Girlfriend. She comes from a family that allows expression of how your feeling and thinking without judging or suppression. And that is so alien to me.

I have been thinking about this subject for quite some time. What is it that makes you physically not be able to let the words out? Sometimes it feels like a hand around my throat literally keeping the words for surfacing I try to speak and all that I think of is, "what if they hate me", "What if they abandon me because of what I say". Just a load of deep rooted fears of abandonment.

Tell someone what you really feel? Might as well throw a brick. At work, at home, with friends, the silence grew, forever polite and ice. But a constant flow of niceness, even in the everyday world, meant it is often difficult to ask for what I want or protest if I was trodden on.
Fear of emotional expression is stifling, and also dangerous. It makes your voice quieter, your whole appearance smaller, until you go unnoticed. Like a small flower next the a brick wall. 

Have I overcome this?

Not just yet. Each day is a battle of the truth, and my subconscious thoughts. You know the ones, "You're not good enough, you have no friends, you're useless..blah blah blah". The main thing I do to overcome this is to strongly focus on these voices, and prove to them that they are a lie. Such as, "You're not good enough". 

Lets break it down. 

How am I not good enough? Lets talk about how I AM good enough..

I help many people daily to overcome there sadness.
I am a kind and loving person.
I have a faimly that loves me.
I have a girlfriend who is a refection of the person I am
I have nice hair. ;)
I have overcome my most darkest times
I am a strong person, with a strong mind
If I want to do achieve something, I don't stop till I do

Prove the voices WRONG

The most cliche saying, "You are your own worst enemy", has a lot of truth to it. We are the ONLY person who can help or hinder our recovery and growth as a person. You could have 1000 people tell you that you are a piece of shit, but if you know yourself you are not, it will never break you. But if you let just 1 person break through the surface, game over. They win. Remember that when the words get stuck. 

Don't let them win. 

Love from,

Memekeeley



Sunday, 16 November 2014

Accessorize

I haven't posted a blog post in over a year I think? Well that is about to change. I want to bring my creative side to the surface, and just do whatever comes naturally.

So...

Today I want to showcase some of my favourite accessories. They are from a few different places, and I adore them all..









Snapback: New Era
Earrings: Gift
Necklaces: Primark
Sunglasses: Afflecks Palace
Scarf: H&M