Sunday, 8 February 2015

But in the end, I only got 3 likes..?

You know the deal, if your picture only gets 3 likes on Instagram, you begin to question your whole existence. But why?

I don't know about you, but lately it feels like there has been an incredible surge in the amount of people becoming famous just from posting Instagram pictures. Asses on sinks, selfies at the gym, and three layers of makeup and a filter are the gateway to 'success'. But you know what, I find myself becoming captivated by it. The jealousy sets in and I think to myself, "If I post a picture like that, will I be invited to cavort with the pop stars and icons too"? 

I was taking the bus to work one day, and I remember seeing three or four teenagers on their way to school. But they were all dressed up in their most Tumblr worthy jackets and jumpers. And I thought to myself, if I had to be a teenage in todays society, I would go insane. My parents would be broke for a start. I would be so stressed about how many Instagram followers I had, how many likes, how many Facebook friends, retweets and views I had gotten. Not to mention how you have to have the latest of everything. iPhone, iPad, Jordans, timberlands, cameras...the list is endless. And then the expectations of school and home to attend to, life would be a constant battle to be recognised, loved, lusted over, and looked up to. 

I hate to throw out the line, "Back in my day.." but seriously, back in my day, I cannot remember one time when I was like, "OMG, my Myspace has only had 7 views this week, what am I going to do"?!?! Now I am sure there were people who thought like that, don't get me wrong, but I feel like that was the select few who where older and new there way around the newly developed social media gateway.

It has become the norm to live your life through your camera, and to enjoy the moment after it has ended. It has to been seen by everyone else, have them feel jealous, and get over 10/15 likes, and then that means the moment was worth it. Not the fact that it was just a great night, and you can take away the real feelings it gave you. You have to picture it, choose the perfect caption to make it sound more than what it was, and have people comment. Then that makes it worth it. God forbid if it likes! *dies social media suicide*

I love social media, don't get me wrong. As with any communication medium, it comes with its ups and downs, pros and cons. But just be aware that, you don't HAVE to showcase your life in a pretty filter and perfect caption. It just isn't that serious. 
I am tired of feeling like I have to post a pretty picture of the sky, instead of actually LOOKING at the sky itself. I have begun to feel so disconnected for the earth, and that really scares me. To forget how blue the sky is, because I have used so many different filters, I have lost the true image of how blue the sky actually is. 
This post really has no purpose, no message to preach, it is just to make us aware that there has been a massive change in our world lately, and that piece by piece are lives are being ruled and judged through the tiny screens in our pockets. 
When was the last time you actually turned off your phone. Completely. 

I myself couldn't even tell you, and that's kind of sad.

Saturday, 22 November 2014

There's a silence I have inhabited for years...

Do you find it hard to speak your mind? I know I do...

There's the silence I have inhabited for years, the edgy, uncomfortable silence that comes from unsaid words, unshed thoughts. When talk feels risky, then silence is the coward's choice. Saying what I felt was, most times, simply not an option I considered; it was a kind of emotional bungee jumping that terrified me. 

Throughout my childhood expression of emotions was an alien territory, a hug was an awkward occurrence.

It all started when I was younger, my ideas and thoughts being suppressed because I was the youngest, the smallest, the quietest.

That sort of subconscious suppression does not dim or die, you sort of silently carry it with you throughout life. Even now, I find it hard to get the words out to the people that care about me. Like me and my Girlfriend. She comes from a family that allows expression of how your feeling and thinking without judging or suppression. And that is so alien to me.

I have been thinking about this subject for quite some time. What is it that makes you physically not be able to let the words out? Sometimes it feels like a hand around my throat literally keeping the words for surfacing I try to speak and all that I think of is, "what if they hate me", "What if they abandon me because of what I say". Just a load of deep rooted fears of abandonment.

Tell someone what you really feel? Might as well throw a brick. At work, at home, with friends, the silence grew, forever polite and ice. But a constant flow of niceness, even in the everyday world, meant it is often difficult to ask for what I want or protest if I was trodden on.
Fear of emotional expression is stifling, and also dangerous. It makes your voice quieter, your whole appearance smaller, until you go unnoticed. Like a small flower next the a brick wall. 

Have I overcome this?

Not just yet. Each day is a battle of the truth, and my subconscious thoughts. You know the ones, "You're not good enough, you have no friends, you're useless..blah blah blah". The main thing I do to overcome this is to strongly focus on these voices, and prove to them that they are a lie. Such as, "You're not good enough". 

Lets break it down. 

How am I not good enough? Lets talk about how I AM good enough..

I help many people daily to overcome there sadness.
I am a kind and loving person.
I have a faimly that loves me.
I have a girlfriend who is a refection of the person I am
I have nice hair. ;)
I have overcome my most darkest times
I am a strong person, with a strong mind
If I want to do achieve something, I don't stop till I do

Prove the voices WRONG

The most cliche saying, "You are your own worst enemy", has a lot of truth to it. We are the ONLY person who can help or hinder our recovery and growth as a person. You could have 1000 people tell you that you are a piece of shit, but if you know yourself you are not, it will never break you. But if you let just 1 person break through the surface, game over. They win. Remember that when the words get stuck. 

Don't let them win. 

Love from,


Sunday, 16 November 2014


I haven't posted a blog post in over a year I think? Well that is about to change. I want to bring my creative side to the surface, and just do whatever comes naturally.


Today I want to showcase some of my favourite accessories. They are from a few different places, and I adore them all..

Snapback: New Era
Earrings: Gift
Necklaces: Primark
Sunglasses: Afflecks Palace
Scarf: H&M